CupcakeKay's Blog

Posts Tagged ‘venue

Mr. Cake and I ended up getting our way on the wedding venue, but only after some major discussions, compromises, and a few tears.

Turns out that Mom Cake was not the major objector, but that Dad Cake felt strongly that we should get married in a church. This made absolutely no sense to us. Not only do Mr. Cake and I not attend church, but also my dad has never been a religious person. He will accompany my mom and me to church on Christmas Eve, but that’s only to make Mom happy, and we haven’t even gone the past few years.

Mom thought that he just had the idea that that’s how weddings were done. I pointed out that they hadn’t gotten married in a church.

Mom said she thought he was afraid, since our venue is a cabin on a lake, that the atmosphere was going to be “all-night lake-side rager” rather than “wedding celebration.” I assured her that that was not what we had in mind, and we compromised by setting an end-time for the reception.

Finally, I think what won them over was my rational explanation that since neither Mr. Cake nor I is religious, we don’t attend a church together, and we don’t have a personal relationship with any pastors, pretending that we do on our wedding day would feel fake. It is important to Mr. Cake and me that our wedding be an authentic representation of ourselves as individuals and as a couple, and we didn’t want to start our marriage by pretending to be something we’re not.

Once my parents realized that we were making conscious choices that were honest reflections of our values, not just acting like bratty teenagers rebelling for rebellion’s sake, they suddenly were a lot more ok with doing things our way.

We still have a few disagreements on aesthetics. For example, my mother hates, hates, HATES our plastic cups from the taco place that’s catering the wedding that we were planning to give out as favors. If you pictured her stamping her foot as she said it, you wouldn’t be far wrong. But stuff like that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

We had the appointment set up to go fill out the paperwork and pay for the venue on Sunday. The day before, Mom Cake called and said that the venue we had picked wasn’t “special” enough, and she thought we should keep looking. Since we needed her to write the check, that was pretty much that.

Rather than reiterate my frustrations with the amount of control my mother insists on exerting over this entire affair, I will vent my frustrations on a completely different topic: the Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC).

If this term is confusing to you, I highly suggest you check out Meg’s excellent explanation on her blog: http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/04/wedding-industrial-complex-as-it-were/

As I (begrudgingly) continue my venue search, I am shocked an appalled at what some places charge for what is essentially a big, empty room. OK, some of them will set up the tables and chairs for you. If you estimate two minimum-wage custodial persons take a whole hour to do this, that should add, at most, $15 to the amount they charge. Seriously. And some have events coordinators who work with you. Sure, tack on another couple hundred for that. But still.

Is there any reason for the Harn Homestead, a mostly-outdoor museum on original Oklahoma Land Run property with an un-air-conditioned “Event Barn”, to charge $3500 to rent the place?

Yes, you heard me right: $3500.

That’s before we even start thinking about food, booze, and all that.  It’s also startlingly close to my entire wedding budget. Argh!

In light of that, the rustic lake cabin is looking PLENTY special. Heck, it’s air-conditioned!

Not only are the excesses of the WIC frustrating from a budgetary stand-point, but they also point to how seriously effed up our society’s attitudes toward weddings are. The average American wedding costs $20,000 these days.

To put that in perspective, that’s a) about what I make in an entire year (yeah, I know I’m poor), and b) as much as two years’ tuition at the private liberal arts college where I got my B.A.

(Those two facts placed side by side are really making me wonder at the cost-effectiveness of my degree, but that’s a different blog…)

This means that a) I could live for a year on what the average wedding costs. Food, rent, bills, etc. for an entire year, or a party for one night. Or b) you could get half a college degree from a fairly prestigious university, or a party for one night.

Those are some effed up priorities right there.

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Tuesday night, Mr. Cake, Mom Cake, and I looked at two more venues.

The first place cost an arm and a leg and had a huge, stuffed dead elk on the wall above where we’d be getting married. Ruled out.

Then we went to see a lake cabin in Mr. Cake’s hometown. It’s pretty plain, but we could have the ceremony outside with the lake in the background, which would be gorgeous. The inside has plenty of room for tables and a dance floor, a full kitchen, and a bar. And the best part is they don’t give a crap what vendors you use, how you decorate, or anything else, as long as you clean the place up afterward. Actually, if you don’t care about forfeiting your $200 cleaning deposit, you don’t even have to do that! It’s within budget, too, which pretty much makes it perfect. We’re all trooping back out there tomorrow to put the deposit down and fill out the paperwork. Woo-hoo!

Best of all, Mom was on her very best behavior the entire time (I was picturing some nightmare scenario where she tries to argue with Mr. Cake about his family tartan kilt clashing with the carpets or something equally frightful), and she even said some very nice “Welcome to the family, son” type things to Mr. Cake at dinner afterward. Could it be that she’s finally getting with the program? We’ll keep our fingers crossed.

I’m so excited to have a venue! Mr. Cake and I are meeting with a caterer tomorrow, too. Things are progressing quite nicely.


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