CupcakeKay's Blog

Update: Location and other family tiffs

Posted on: March 19, 2011

Mr. Cake and I ended up getting our way on the wedding venue, but only after some major discussions, compromises, and a few tears.

Turns out that Mom Cake was not the major objector, but that Dad Cake felt strongly that we should get married in a church. This made absolutely no sense to us. Not only do Mr. Cake and I not attend church, but also my dad has never been a religious person. He will accompany my mom and me to church on Christmas Eve, but that’s only to make Mom happy, and we haven’t even gone the past few years.

Mom thought that he just had the idea that that’s how weddings were done. I pointed out that they hadn’t gotten married in a church.

Mom said she thought he was afraid, since our venue is a cabin on a lake, that the atmosphere was going to be “all-night lake-side rager” rather than “wedding celebration.” I assured her that that was not what we had in mind, and we compromised by setting an end-time for the reception.

Finally, I think what won them over was my rational explanation that since neither Mr. Cake nor I is religious, we don’t attend a church together, and we don’t have a personal relationship with any pastors, pretending that we do on our wedding day would feel fake. It is important to Mr. Cake and me that our wedding be an authentic representation of ourselves as individuals and as a couple, and we didn’t want to start our marriage by pretending to be something we’re not.

Once my parents realized that we were making conscious choices that were honest reflections of our values, not just acting like bratty teenagers rebelling for rebellion’s sake, they suddenly were a lot more ok with doing things our way.

We still have a few disagreements on aesthetics. For example, my mother hates, hates, HATES our plastic cups from the taco place that’s catering the wedding that we were planning to give out as favors. If you pictured her stamping her foot as she said it, you wouldn’t be far wrong. But stuff like that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.


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